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I found my original collection!!! Now to have my current collection meet my old!! The three pendulums are part of the new, the rest are years and years old, around 10-15 years old. Ooh how I missed them! And My marimo is liking its shelf next to the immortal pumpkin from September… The thing is still hard and solid. No soft spots nor discoloring.. No mold or anything! Its weird.. <. my house is like a time portal or something perhaps.. it swallows somethings to be found out in the open later and suspends others time.. o.o>

I know I haven’t posted in a while.

and I’m sorry. but I just need to vent…. somewhere. Its long so ignore if you do not want to hear of my woes.

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After the fiasco of the eviction to get my house back from bad renters, I started to fix the place up. But the renters left a gaping hole in my wallet. I cut my cable, and one electric bill since I inherited a duplex. We got new people in but the first few months rent goes to the contractor and handyman for his work.

Then I finished my taxes, turns out I owe the IRS $6k+, I owe the water company $2k, and the real estate taxes $4k, I am behind on my car payments. my car is the ONLY way I have to get to work. and all my valuables and potential selling items are in storage and thats about to be auctioned off due to late payments.

My work just cut my hours from 35hrs to nearly 25hrs thanks to the holiday season being over and I only get less than $800/mo in my paychecks. My husband has been freelancing his computer work and trying to become a paid PCA for his mother since no computer company wants what he offers nearby since we only have one car. The PCA company is taking their sweet time making a decision so no income from that yet. His freelancing hasnt had many bites lately and so I’m the really only one with a steady inflow of cash every two weeks.

Which brings me to my next worry. I check my paycheck this morning via direct deposit and there is this weird charge for a credit check or something for $17. I never made a charge like that especially when my credit is already in the low 400s and dropping due to owed student loans. So not only do I suspect my account was hacked, my credit is going to suffer more and I will not be able to get any loan in the remotely near future if I need one. The new (and wonderful) renters are paying $1400/month and we will start seeing it this Feb (tomorrow basically) but it will be swallowed up by only three bills and not cover everything owed for even two of those bills. My husband’s account is in the red by $400 since he purposely overdrew so he could help us pay for even the basic of things like gas, food, toilet paper and a partial bill.

Everything is starting to look up but the ship is sinking fast still. I dont know where to turn or what to do. I just feel so lost yet hopeful but deep in despair all at the same time..

I have to wait till spring to have a yard sale, and I can only have 3 a year AND the permit to allow a yard sale costs $10. I wish I had anything to sell right now. I already sold some of my late mother’s jewelry.. I may need to sell some old hummel figurines but I need to have them appraised so I dont get fucked over by selling a high priced rare one for cheap. And I just know the appraisal will cost money.

I’m so stressed, I dont want to lose my house, nor my car… nor my job. I want to cry but I cant.. I just want to be free again… I dont even have a doctor right now. my MassHealth insurance fucked up and I had to wait to reapply from scratch so I had no coverage for over a year which means I havent even seen a doctor, dentist nor eye doctor because I cant pay them. my health is declining, and I cant pay to fix it.

I dont know what to do. I’m too scared to die, but I can’t live like this and have others being dragged down with me. I want to have a child soon, but I can’t even afford myself let alone a child. I dont even know if I can even bear children.. I just… want to fall apart. I want to stop time and gain and save money and start time back up with the right amount to just pay off everything and start fresh. I dont even want any extra. I work so hard and these payments force me to have nothing to show for my hard work.

Kids who dont pay for anything just yet: you should realize how lucky you are that you do not have these problems yet. Savor your freedom. Revel in it but dont waste it. LEARN. Stop worrying about what other people think, Everything that people tell you, its all suggestion. you have the choice to listen. Be considerate to others. I am in this trouble because people were not considerate to me, they used me and took advantage of my hospitality. I could go after them for compensation but they are now in a van in a walmart parking lot. I doubt my time is worth what little money the law could possibly squeeze out of them.

Sorry for the rant… I just needed someone to vent to.

I was cleaning the house a bit and I found this little treasure! A small brag book of my mom’s wedding photos! Hehe my grandfather looks so damned proud. And my parents were adorable!! Lookit them all googley eyed for eachother. <3 
Its hard to see my mom and her parents gone and my dad a remarried widower. But he still looks at my mom’s photos like he first fell in love. I only see a fraction of that in the wife he now loves. I dont doubt his new love but you can tell she is hardly a soulmate.

Just thought I would share the cuteness. These make me all warm and fuzzy these cold snowy nights as I cuddle with my soulmate.

Fire Oil

natural-magics:

Fire oil helps ignite passion or desire, increase bravery or can spark action in someone who is procrastinating. Use it to anoint a red candle to burn while you’re with your partner or rub a small amount on your hands to help boost your confidence and motivation. If possible, make this oil on a Sunday.

  • 1 part dried ground orange peel
  • 3 parts cinnamon
  • 1 part clove
  • 1 part nutmeg
  • Sesame oil to cover

Found in Mrs. B’s Guide to Household Witchery by Kris Bradley.

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